MY OBSESSION,MY DOOM :by Akin Omo Akin

           From the beginning of human existence, life has not being facile with ladies. Everything about us seem fragile, tenuous and flails. Even our very heart.  What we see and hear takes the best part of us and it is also has great influence on our pride. Materialistic obsession seem the greatest knot of our intelligence, don't be like me, learn from my story.

     I have this obsession with popular people of my opposite sex, one way or the other I used to think I can control myself, prevent myself from displaying my emotions and impulsion not knowing obsession is the controller of emotions, I grew up pretty fast, it started in my secondary school, how I'd run haphazard sticking all over that boy that usually top the class, I'd get jealous at every glimpse of him I take talking with the other girls. then, I didn't really see anything immoral about it , probably because I was too slung to discover who I am. The more I grow, the more this obsession grows with me. I started crushing on random male artistes, what is random? Practically all the male artist that are known by people, I wasn't really crushing on their look though its part of it ,but I was obsessed with them because they are famous. I'd fantasize how bad I wanna sleep with them amongst my friends and we would all laugh and laugh till we get into talking about something else 

I entered into university, I thought I had fully grown up, and I have every power over my emotion's and feelings, YES everything seems the way I thought. Till my level mates started fantasizing about this guy, how intelligent he is and how sweet ,romantic and good looking he is, he is very famous, and particularly the social director of my faculty, the whole me came back again, I started having this unquenchable feeling and undying passion to meet him, whenever his name is being mentioned on the faculty page by people's, the strongest hormone in me will rise and start wishing to be with him, I don't love him, I love the fact that people know him, and as a naive wannabe that I am, I wanna know him too, probably not just knowing, I want to be  his girlfriend. How funny I'm going through all of these delusional traumatization for a guy I have never met. 

One of these picnic, I met him, he's so tall and   dark, his beard are well shaved, neat and presentable, I couldn't stop staring, he noticed I was dancing alone, and he came to meet me, every part of me was happy because that was all i ever wanted. He offered me a glass of wine, we danced for a while , I couldn't stop looking at him lustfully. He asked me for privacy,if we could leave the dance floor and hire one of these rooms and I nodded in agreement.

We got in the room, he told me to tell him more about me, that he wanted to know me better, I told him everything, even some things he doesn't deserve to know, how I have been crushing on him, then we both stare for a while, and we keep on having eye contacts, till he approached me with his mouth, I wanted to stop him, but I can't ,I wanted him badly, I like him, he's my crush, the kiss was sweet,I was so init that I didn't even know that he had stripped me naked, I didn't want to do it ,but I had no choice, I'm already unwrapped in his grip, I told him it'd be my first time, he didn't talk, I asked him to use condom,he had none, he did it, we did it, I would have stopped him, but I love the sensation, the feeling, that I never even wanted him to get off me. 

After that day, I see him everywhere,with other girls, probably doing the same thing he did with me to them. Afterall I am nothing but a cheap hoe, who got nothing to offer.. It seem like that was all I wanted, whenever he sees me , although he'd greet me normally ,but my conscience will go restless till the end of that day. Its not like am a whore, that I don't know he'd attempt sleeping with me when he demanded for privacy that night , but I was too naive and primitive to control who I am, my emotions and my dignity, one way or the other I'll die with the guilt of sleeping with the guy I didn't love or ever dated but allowed my pride to be taken by him at ease. A famous asshole with fame worthy of perishing in few years. Being passionate about things or individual is inevitable but learning to control feelings is the best. such situation particularly can never be gotten over, I have lost my self-worth, self-esteem and pride.I'll live with it Till the end, don't make my mistake, learn to have the highest power over whatever you feel.